Let's be honest here.

College has been fun. College has been great. Friends here. Friends there.

My faith life has been fun. My faith life has been great. God here. God there.

I want to be honest with you guys: I failed last semester at my relationship with God. I was strong in the beginning, but I only did it to prove that I wasn't another statistic in how many people lose their faith in college. I was doing my devotions daily - that became wishy-washy. I prayed for those I loved and the things I wanted to see God do - then I forgot who I loved and wasn't sure if I wanted to see the things God had in store. I was becoming a statistic.

I went from being this strong and mighty warrior in the midst of battle to a wounded gazelle in the savannah.

It seriously got to the point where I didn't want to believe anymore. A point where I doubted and asked myself "What was I getting myself into?" or even "Why am I doing this? What do I get out of it?" I was losing all the faith I had.

I was pretty much choosing when I wanted to love God. He didn't want that. He wanted me to love him all the time. On his time, not mine.



Winter break rolled around and I just thought of it as a time to "catch-up" on all the lost days I had with God. He other had plans. Some kind of "Spiritual Cleansing" if you want to call it that. It was intense in that he showed me not who I was before I accepted him into my life, but who I was when he was in my life.

Something about that shook me while I was in this "valley". I was full of life and had finally started to find my validation in something that was more real than this earth. I wanted to be that again. He was using all sorts of things to remind me who I was. I started to realize that the person I was becoming was not only a statistic, but someone ugly as well. I wore masks to hide my true self. He started to use old journal entries from high school to remind me of the person I was. Those old journal entries showed me my hurt and the tears that they brought along with them. I always thought those tears were a bad thing, but when I looked at it then, those tears were healing and that I wouldn't have to cry over those things again. I really wanted to hurt at the moment.

For the first time in the four months I had left Oak Harbor, I hit the ground hard and started running. I saw the importance of the things I used to do daily. I'm still struggling this semester, but I feel so much stronger than I did last semester. I've got a good mentor to talk things through with. I've fixed or gotten rid of some relationships that just weren't needed.

Last year I was running with God. I decided to take a break from it because I was tired. I'm running again guys. I'm running hard. I may hit a wall, but right now nothing can stop me.

Hebrews 12:1
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." (NLT)

Rick Baleros