Well, here's my introduction paragraph. Let me know what you think :)
Until I was 10 years old, I could always remember my dad coming into my room to wake me up for school. He wouldn’t wake me up like my mom did, who would just shake me and yell at me to get up. No. My dad was different. He knew I was ticklish like no other so he used that in his advantage to wake me up. Some might find that silly, but that’s what he did. Through the squirming and struggling to get away from him, I always found this a fun way to wake up in the morning. We were usually laughing, and it was a brief father-son moment that was had before I walked to school. Now, if you ask me what other moments were like after that I would probably end up telling you something that happened just a few weeks ago between us. You see, I might be 20 years old, but in terms of my relationship with my dad I’m still 10. I know it’s a funny way to look at it, but if you knew our relationship like I do, you’d understand where I’m coming from.
Well, I kinda already told you what I thought. I think this intro is far more personable because it sounds like you're telling a story. It gets the reader more interested to find out about your relationship with your dad. Let me know if you need any additional help.
ReplyDeleteI'll still be writing cover letters, but hey! I'll be in a writing/editing mood. ;)