Where do I start?

I guess I could start off by saying that I wish you could all just get inside my head right now and understand or just even see the things that God has done over the last few years.

I grew up in the church. I grew up in the Catholic Church for awhile. I hated it. Hate is too strong, I disliked it. I vowed to have nothing to do with the church when I got older. When I became an “adult.” But then I started to go to a Foursquare church where things were all about “raising the roof” for Jesus, haha.

It’s funny though to see how vowing to have nothing to do with the church when I got older changed as I got older; you’ll see what I mean in a bit. April 9, 2008 was the first time that I inwardly rededicated myself to God. April 9, 2008 was the first time that I decided that the relationship to come with God was a relationship that I wanted to have for myself. Not one lived through my parents. Not one lived through my friends, but one lived through God and me. April 9, 2008 was the day that my life was to be forever changed.

No one told me what was ahead of me though …

Since then though I’ve had other leaders speak over me regarding leadership and that was where I was going. In fact, before I left for college someone from Living Water spoke over me and said

God is speaking through me to tell you that you’re going to be a great leader, but you’re going to want to be that great leader.

I’ll be honest with you, I freaked out because I didn’t know him and yet God spoke through him to me.

To give you a little insight in my head, looking back at that now, I realized that I had no direction in what being a great leader would look like or even mean. So I just tried to be the leader that God called of me. Better yet, I just tried to be the man that God called me to be. In other words, it was as if God had bigger things to tell me, but that I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say.

Fast forward to the end of my freshman year of college. It sucked. Well, it was great because I had fun, but it sucked. I made great friends and had great times with them, but it sucked. That is definitely not to say that I do not cherish those friends and those memories, but I sacrificed a lot of myself, no, I sacrificed a lot of who I was and what I believed in to have fun and knowing that, it sucked.

I came home even more broken in spirit than when I left nearly a year before. I came home as someone that people had a hard time recognizing. I came home as someone that I had a hard time recognizing. It sucked. My parents didn’t know who I was. I’ve learned though that in times where we are broken is when growth occurs the most.

That’s exactly what happened Summer 2010. I grew in ways that I didn’t think I could grow. Only because when I was at school I didn’t want all of what God could offer me. God stripped me of everything that I was and knew of him to set me new before him. God put me in a place last summer where I began to realize that having a relationship with God wasn’t going to be just a fad, but that He would become my lifestyle. That he would be the one I lived for. That I would make sacrifice’s in His name.

It was last summer when God called me to live a life of Obedience. Sound familiar?My tattoo maybe? That’s what I did. I was obedient to him. In doing so I grew and was stretched even more than I imagined. There were people still speaking over me about this calling of leadership. It got old really fast at one point because I wanted to know more about this calling of leadership and simply put God said

Not now. I’ll tell you when you’re ready. Trust me. Have faith in me.

I had so much faith in him that I switched my major from Biology to Psychology. When I switched my major though I had a lot of time to think why I did it and why I felt like doing it. It started out because I wasn’t happy being Biology, but it became more than that. It came down to the fact that I want to help people. Youth more importantly. I had this calling to work with youth, but I didn’t know what that looked like. In the church? In a school? Counselor? Teacher? I didn’t know. God did though. Like always he knew.

Before I knew it I was home yet again for the summer and I did something I didn’t expect to do. That was I quit my job as a dental assistant so that I could have time to get to work with youth. Correction, that way I could have time to volunteer so I could work with youth. Yeah, I didn’t get paid to do any of this, but I was alright with that.

But yeah, I got to hang out with kids of all ages, elementary to high school. It was great. It was rewarding. It was tiresome. It was worth it. It was exhausting. It was so much fun. With all this fun though I found myself at Kid’s Camp for a week where God finally spoke.

I can tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you all along. I’m calling you to Youth Ministry.

“HOLY SPIRIT!!!” (haha) was my reaction to the whole thing. It felt right, but at the same time I was scared, as I feel I should have been. For the longest time all I knew was that I wanted to do dentistry and become an orthodontist. So to be honest, I didn’t know what to do in order to get where God was calling me to! But he’s been so awesome to bless me and surround me with Pastors that were all over me. In being scared, I had never felt so confident with a calling like this.

There’s a long story, but in short I’m called to do something with Youth Ministry and things are falling into place as I type and as you read. I’d be a fool to dismiss that this has God’s hand all over this.

Thanks for reading all of this? I love you all! I really would like to share more, so with that COME AT ME BRO!

- Rick Andrew Baleros

Writing is hard ...

I'm working on the revision of my personal essay about the relationship between me and my dad. Do you know how hard it is to say that the relationship between you and a parent was shitty? ... Yeah. Pretty hard.

Well, here's my introduction paragraph. Let me know what you think :)

Until I was 10 years old, I could always remember my dad coming into my room to wake me up for school. He wouldn’t wake me up like my mom did, who would just shake me and yell at me to get up. No. My dad was different. He knew I was ticklish like no other so he used that in his advantage to wake me up. Some might find that silly, but that’s what he did. Through the squirming and struggling to get away from him, I always found this a fun way to wake up in the morning. We were usually laughing, and it was a brief father-son moment that was had before I walked to school. Now, if you ask me what other moments were like after that I would probably end up telling you something that happened just a few weeks ago between us. You see, I might be 20 years old, but in terms of my relationship with my dad I’m still 10. I know it’s a funny way to look at it, but if you knew our relationship like I do, you’d understand where I’m coming from.

To be or not to be ... an RA, that is?

"We are unable to offer you a Resident Assistant position at this time."

This blog is honestly to clear up to a few people my mind set on the ResLife's decision of not giving me an RA position.

I know many of you might not have known that I even applied even though it got brought up while I was home. Those that did know, knew that I wanted this position more than anything. But I came to terms really quick when I got my letter that it wasn't where God wanted me to lead or serve. In fact, that was my mentality and perspective all throughout the process. From the day I got my application in November to yesterday when I found out that I wasn't an RA, my mind set was that God would let me know if this was best for me.

He obviously has something else in store for me. The best part is I'm ready to see what he has in mind. Where he'll take me? I don't know, but he does. Where he'll have me leading and serving? I have a feeling, but it's up to him.

Can't wait to see where he leads me :)

"tug-of-war"

R: He's pulling and he's definitely got a hold on my life. I'm afraid ok? He's holding a part of me that I don't want to be anymore.

K: Then let go.

R: Kyle, It's easier said then done.

K: Rick, it's like a game of tug-of-war ...

"He's pulling, and you're pulling. You're trying way to hard to get a life back that you don't want anymore. Maybe if you just let go of the rope and let him keep pulling, he'll realize that there's nothing left to pull when he gets to the end of the rope. He'll let go of you then, but you gotta let go of it first."

God is definitely using people to speak into my life. Thanks God.

I've got a story ... [Part I of III]

A few months ago I wrote about my experience of coming to Christ at the end of Junior year and summer before Senior year. I also said that I'd eventually write about my Senior year of high school.

Well I lied. I'll say this though, senior year was amazing. God definitely rocked me that year. He especially rocked me at High School Camp. God, at camp, got me ready for that first year of college. Unfortunately he got me ready and all I did was ignore everything he called me to.

College
With that said, let's begin this crazy adventure called my first year of college ...

For those that don't know I go to the University of Portland. I'm a Biology major with minors in Chemistry and Communicatons. I lived in Villa Maria; all male dorm. My roommate was Matt Ortman; we'll leave it at that.

I got good grades. I had awesome friends. I played volleyball. I got plugged int my school early and with ease.

It's funny how on paper, or in this case - scree, it can look so good. That's where you're wrong, my friend.

In the midst of all of this "goodness" was a storm I had never felt so lost in. Until this year.

My grades ended up being so-so. I could have done so much better. Some of those good friends didn't even stand a chance against time. Volleyball was all I had going for me ...

You might be wondering where my faith life was in the midst of this. Guess what? I was wondering the same exact thing. It was honestly nowhere to be found through this turmoil. How I wish it was there.

--> Well, it was, I just ignored it completely. Talk about stupid.

God called me out during Christmas break. Talk about an eye-opener. Did I listen? Of course. I was in a desperate need of hearing his voice. I only wish that I could say that it stuck all of second semester. Alas, it didn't stick at all.

I became apathetic towards serving. I became apathetic towards being a Christian. I hid it really well though. I am thankful for Kellen and Charlie walking me through. I couldn't have done it without them.

To save you the reading and details, just ask me sometime what happened when I was in school. Some of that stuff just wasn't meant to go online...

note to self.

the next time i want to do something because i feel like being a rebel, remember that:

compromising your identity for your feelings and emotions is not worth it, not one bit.

love, rick.

Thanks ResLife.

[this is just a rant, a rant that is probably not necessary, but yeah ...]

Today, I was checking my University of Portland email and I see that I have one from ResLife (for you non-UP students, people in charge of housing on this campus). Anyways, the email was horribly worded and actually freaked me out a tad bit. I'll let you read the email and let you be the judge of how horribly written it was.

Dear Rick Andrew,

Due to an unusually large number of students returning to campus housing as well as a larger than expected number of first time freshman students, some consolidation reassignments have been made to accommodate as many students as possible.

Please find your advanced housing/roommate assignment attached to this message. The regular assignment mailing will also be sent July 15. If further reassignments are made, additional notifications will be sent July 25, August 5 & 15. If you receive multiple assignment e-mails, the latest dated notification will be your official assignment.

For those of you who received a reassignment, we thank you for your flexibility and help in providing housing to others. Please contact us if you have any questions or concerns.

To make matters worse, there was an attachment that would ultimately let me know if 1) Kyle Hamm was still my roommate and 2) whether or not I was still in Villa.

Luckily, I am still in Villa next year and my roommate is still Kyle Hamm. Why I wrote this blog? It's going to be hyperlinked somewhere else and because it seriously was almost the worst feeling that I've had all day. I mean I'm not usually too worried about my history exams, but those give me some uneasy feelings just because history isn't my thing.

That's it for the rant, haha.